 Wednesday, January 26, 2011
 at 1:58 PMWe are no Superman... Really felt inspired by yyuniverse about his 1st entry about fighing for a chance. Its not always a bed or roses when life dump its waste on us. People whom we least expected to be hurt by, will come haunting us with the negativity that drain every part of our soul away... When we are christians, there is no special path after we chose the God that we want to believe in, and put our hopes in. It just simply mean that we have a refuge, a support and strength to continue to deal with all the negative stuff , pressure and stress borrowed from God. Nothing more, just plain obedience and keeping our ways to His love commandments. I couldn't bring myself to think of one day if God stop forgiving us and give us grace and mercy, I think our souls would have been banished to the deepest pit of hell. Once ppl tell me that once a saint always a saint, I doubt the saying of this phrase. Because what I believe is a constant renewal before God and it is not a one time thing about being "cleanse" by God. It is a walk with God, until the day we die. Sometimes I really wonder why I am behaving this way, making the people around me got frustrated and upset with me. I am who I am, and I really need time to change to the image they want me to be or rather who God wants me to be. I know I may not be perfect, and all the flaws I already know that I have. Please treat me like an adult, due respect needed and also loving words of concern will be more than enough. I don't usually have high expectation of people, and definitely its give and take which let allows us to experience grace from the Church family in this imperfect world. I thank God for people who readily give grace like Jesus and definitely believe that nobody learns by getting scolded. The buffer period to relief the pain from the hurtful words, can be use to encourage an individual properly, the results can be more successful then the hurtful words which linger for a long time in the heart. Lastly, just to remind us of what love is... Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. If love is not in your equation, whatever you do, will just come to nothing. xoxo, you know you love me Tuesday, January 18, 2011
at 11:25 PMIts really has been a long while since I last blogged! :) Well things haven been real smooth though, and has been always a series of emotions going up and down, like a roller coaster or should I say a swing, when there is a certain high, then it began to go down slowly again. Times has really been the uncertain, since I've decided to join School of Theology to deepen my longing and understanding for God and His ministry. Firstly, I got to leave my job for my classes, becos of the timings which cannot accomodate each other. I was really at a total lost, its like I've nv been uncertain for the future like I am now. Like my family, they r not supportive and questions of why I chose to go SOT came bombarding my mind from various others... "why will u achieve after studying this course? will u become a pastor after that? What has that gotta do with ur nursing career? Will it increase ur pay? how are u going to pay off the school fees? Well it was not as easy as I thought it would be obviously, but still having prepared answers didn't help as much. -.-||| Some people really cared, encouraged me to go on with my faith, and I would definitely achieve what I wanted and came out stronger. Some discouraged me, like ask me to postpone it till further date, most of the ppl remain neutral about it, but I guess in their hearts they might not think it is wise. I really hate to leave the place that I found my passion back in nursing, hate to leave the colleagues that I love dearly, sometimes its really them that make my days colourful and filled with joy. Why do I have to choose between them and God? But sadly I have to choose the One that will bring me life and light, the one who comforts me in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep, when I felt so stressed out at work, or got a negative comment from my parents, the one place I'll run to, its my room, where I can quietly cool myself down through prayer and finding the promise that He has for me. He is the only one who gently remind and nv jeers on me when I did badly. What more can I ask from a God who is like a friend? :) I know that He will nv short change me, He will smile when He knows that I chose Him over my comfort zone. To my dear colleague and friend who are in stress, be cool about ur work, focus on the positive and remember to release urself, after a day's stress, everyone's stress relieve ways are different, some like to binge, some like to listen to certain music, some like to catch a great movie, some like to shop, or buy something that will cheer them up. what's urs? In life there are just too many things to worry about, they are mainly catagorized in 2 groups: 1) Worry about things that you can do about it. 2) Worry about things that you can't do about it. Sad to say most of us worry about the things that we can't do about it. Things that we can do about it, we already start doing something about it. Things we couldn't do about it, just leave it to God, as long as you put ur best, God will do the rest!!! :) So actually there is NOTHING to worry about!!! With Love, Hazel Zoe xoxo, you know you love me Monday, May 10, 2010
at 5:40 PMA Circumcised Heart Throughout the Bible, circumcision has a very significant meaning in the spiritual. That which most of us know about is to cut away the flesh part, sinful part and follow wholly to God. I thank God for my birthday this year, and indeed its always the time when i feel abit lonely due to this celebration. haha! dunno why.. but i felt that i have a more focus wish list than last yr, that is to have a circumcised heart for God. in the area of spiritual goal for myself. Its always hard to cut away, becos like what the bible says, its flesh, it involves blood, nerves and its part of u that u gotta let go n let God. ... Its not like i have not circumcise my heart from the start for God, but it just need a regular renewal of cutting away, becos flesh do grow back over time when u r not looking. One of my wish is to really excel in work and make the best of the knowledge and skills i have. I may not have alot, but i dun want to stay the same and definitely i wanna do more, to plan better for the future.. I have nv reli thought in details of what my future will be like, due to my personaliy, who always focus on now, now and now!!! I want a heart that is compliant to God, not stubborn, rebellious or inflexible. I want a heart that does not resist the preachers sent by God. I want a heart that does not resist the holy Spirit Last but not least, I long for a heart that is humble, broken and repentant. This is my spiritual wish for my 25th birthday To you Lord. Love Hazel Zoe xoxo, you know you love me Sunday, April 11, 2010
at 11:00 AMWow man, time really pass me by, and its like i haven even have a chance to thank God about the things happening in my life! It is usually this way that we r too focus on our own problems and situation, it eats up into our quality time spend with our family members and appreacite the things around us. This really takes time.. :) Has a jog with I, me myself and God just now, felt that what my situation right now maybe traumatizing to me, but it really cannot compare to what God has gone through... and He is yet innocent when He faced all that. He said "what reward will u get when u love someone who loves you, its only when I choose to love those who are unlovable, those who r less favouring then will I inherit the nature from God." And guess what?? one of mygoal is to be more like God, like what Gershon has gone through my goals of 2010, i must be more sensitive to ppl's feelings and and situation. This was one of the area that i wanna see myself improve. Love the time when Pastor shared about being one church, we must have the DNA of God, of Pastor Kong, we must be united, and there is power in agreement, binding the devil, hand in hand in prayers ytd, was magnificent! I felt like somehow my hands and her hands r linked when i prayed for her. I teared and i couldnt understand why. Pastor shared that Holy Spirit is very peaceful, it cannot dwell in strife and disagreement, i wanted Him to be with me forever, thats why i decided to lay down my mistakes n repent b4 Him, forgo of all the trespasses unto me, as He has already forgiven mine. Gosh... think i cant blog more, gotta get ready for work later... Thank God for the day, for Mave who encouraged me, Gershon whom i know, kept me in prayers and what he taught me. and last but not least, Vinny who has stood by me, feeling what Im feeling all the time. Behind every obstacle is a breakthrough right behind... <--- this keeps me going. xoxo, you know you love me Tuesday, January 26, 2010
at 4:13 AMLife is like a piece of thin glass. It shatters and breaks, just when u tot that its in firm hands. Its not easy having to see ur love ones leave this world. heart wrenches, every time i visit a funeral, although i dun even know the person personally. I just feel for the one who eternally left the world. Someone says that when a human cries, The tears represent stubborness. The heart who refuse to let go of whats in the heart, cries and tears. Peacefully they left, without a trace they leave, few decades down the road. How irony is life, When all u have to do is live it right, do it gloriously for the Lord or not, its a life span of years given to u, just like money from Heaven. xoxo, you know you love me Tuesday, December 15, 2009
at 10:23 PMThank God :) Thank God its not too deep, Thank God that it only hurt alittle now, Thank God its not too late, Thank God for ppl placed around me, Thank God for His love on an imperfect me, Thank God for His wonderful grace for a flawed me, Thank God for a time that brings me to reality, Thank God for His words that brings me to life, Thank God for opening my eyes, Thank God that in time to come, i will overcome, Thank God for the new ppl in my cg, Thank God for prayers that encourages, Thank God for a love that i have always wanted, Thank God for realisation of my emotional problem, Thank God its not too late, Thank God its not now, Thank God that i still have time, Thank God that i'm still breathing. Love Zel xoxo, you know you love me Monday, November 30, 2009
at 11:10 AMThe torturing hours Feeling real draining, expecting someone to read the email, and finding out how that friend thinks, its so torturing, expecting a response. been out with friends, been out at a house warming party, with so many ppl around me, but all i felt was a kind of emptiness, was a kind of feeling inside that feel like dying, Its a expectation not met, i dunno how it must be managed. goodness from friends, good intentions that come my way from others, i totally couldnt open up myself to receive it, its draining me every second to smile, to talk and to feel. just felt like escaping and go home n cry alone with the Lord. Guess only He can understands. Guess it was too much to expect from a friend? haha. Too much. too unrealistic.Words out, promise unmet, i know there r tons of reasons followed the task not met. Well that just shows how much the friend's words meant, and how impt am i. Aconversation extended, that forgets time. I not trying to drill through a bull's horn, but its something i was given previously, but now taken away. I nv once took this friendship for granted, since the very day it started, but still it is not gg the way which i tot it will.... Friend nv tells me about how friend thinks, i need to know, becos its very essential,i pray friend talks to me soon, write me a letter or an email. Becos i hate to guess and gets all teary every single time. I want to take myself out, im plucking myself out from the roots that r already growing, and it hurts so much. Its cutting part of my soul away. Its not something a person can see if he/her is busy with so many things, that is hindering to see what r the details that affects the other. Thinking that everything is fine, isnt gonna help, covering up above whats affecting underneath isnt solving anything. Well, like what Joshua Harris says, its worthwhile, its a success even if it fails. Should i stop working at it? xoxo, you know you love me |
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