Strumming Some Heartstrings

Friday, February 29, 2008
at 11:36 PM

They are my eternal friends~ they showed me care n concern in my darkest hours, tell me that no matter what mistakes i've made i will always be loved. im reli glad i have them, if not i will not be sustained till now. was thinking whether after a hard day's work i got to meet them, cos cant go for cgm too. but none of them met me in the end. i guess friends are still friends, ech got their life to lead. they cant possibly sacrifice so much bahz. cant replace family, who is always waiting for u to get home to have a meal with them.

i really miss them, hope they wun forget to love me too.
you know you love me

Wednesday, February 20, 2008
at 6:44 PM


hey guys, went for connect group ic meeting ytd, was really happy that i received something from yahlan during the meeting. knowing that its not we alone who goes through allthe trouble to impact our friends and build a relationship so close that we win the friend to ourselves first. Its really not easy, at least its for me. ppl says that i am "I" lots of others envied how i make myself look irritating n funny. but in fact flaws r meant to be hidden wasnt it?

its been so long since other ppl identify my weaknesses and fears which i did not face it myself although i know whats happening in my life. its been a struggle, a fearsome girl who walk thrugh all the days of her life, not knowing how to win ppl over to herself. im fearful of rejections, commitment, hopes that are pinned on me, i will purposely jeopardised it, fear of probing further in the relationshps. i really dun have much friends who r close to my heart. there's always a reason why me n jes quarrelled which i dunno then and he reli dislike me becos of my undicisiveness n uncommitment. though he has already forgiven me n we r friends now. i realised my problem now, cant bring myself to talk one to one with another, bad relational skills. its not that i nv notice it, but i dunno how to reverse the situation or should i say i cant prevent it. its in my blood. i cant commit. i have to admit i dun dare to commit, friends come n go, leaving a shallow footprint behind, and im all alone. it hurts on the inside, but sometimes it cuts so deep the nerves makes me feel numb n nv feel again.. i know it is possible to make revival happen, i can even see it in my head when i close my eyes!!! but when reality sets in, self doubt pulls me to the darkest pit that nobody is there to give me a hand.

i really hate cycles, i hate to repeat the same old sh*t all over again. i cared so much about what others think, i cant give my best. so many voices inside me wants to pull me to nothingness, but i was onli longing for one voice that will bring me to the light at the top of the pit. i want to be like Gershon, like mavis n li n Jean, they all have friends who admire their characters but i have none, sometimes i just feel so isolated. Hazel what good do u have for others to follow up?

my dearest serene, liru and xiangping, maggie. i want to be a role model for u guys, thanks for covering me up becos im not as good as the rest. all i wish is to be a friend that u guys can depend n trust, a friend who covers n shelter like a tree just like how Jesus n Gershon had covered me all these years.

i want to fear no more.i have decided. the one thing that i wanna fear now is God.
you know you love me

Friday, February 08, 2008
at 12:33 AM

My Precious Grandma

i used to think that my grandma is naggy, sometimes she wants to act as if she knows everything when indeed she didnt. she dun reli know how to operate machines like tv or washing machines, i used to think its becos she is lazy and didnt want to learn n like to depend onto other ppl. well now i realised she is very precious to me, above anything or other things that happened, sometimes i make her angry, make her irritated and worried, everytime when i switched on the table light to use the com, always woke u up, but each time i said sorry she nv felt to say its ok girl, ah ma is ok. i realised it takes alot for her to say n do all these. becos for me i cant reli forgive readily and wholeheartedly. when she forgives she reli forgets. and i know what she says is sincere without any hidden meaning. family are the most precious to me, they will nv lie for ur liking though they may not say something nice to make u happy. i love you grandma. i painted your fingernails while u are asleep last night! hehe.. i know u will be shocked!!!

your impy grand daughter hazel zoe veranakan krishnan
you know you love me


The Queen

Hi,This is Zel and i belong to a physical family on earth and going back to my Daddy's place when I finished what i was suppose to do in this short span of time here. :) ... more


LBD + hangbag from BYSI
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