Hi (:
My name is Chair and I rock.
Seventeen candles on the 28th September '09. I ♥ cocktails, cocaine, and clubbing.

PARAMORE
is the bomb.
you know you love me
xoxo


put a more detailed profile here. (:




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at 4:21 PM

When Easter is 2 weeks away

Been asking myself about the things that are happening to me, the unhappy customers at work, wondering why do i like about this job, what is the thing that keeps me persist on, i know i can do more, i know i can do better but i felt so limited, i cant delegate jobs well, i cant focus on a single thing followup on it. To tell the truth, even when others told me that i am this good, that good, that persistent, that long suffering, that tolerance, it doesnt really touch my heart, becos when i dont feel that i didnt do enough, i dun deserve any of those which ppl speak about me. There is once i dont really believe what fellow christians tell about me, undeserving. Then my leader told me that if u r always giving u wont feel a thing if it seems alot to others. i hope its true. -.-

My easter plan is still in slow progress, not much of potential in them. :/ had a great cry when God spoke to me during friday's Huizhen cgm, He said dont forget the dream that i dreamt with Him, the tree that is very fruitful, will be what i long for. A tree that is able to bear much juicy fruits, leaves that r able to shade humans from harmful rays, trunk that ppl can rest in, fruits that are able to feed the hungry, and long for more. roots that r strong n deep it nv wavers, roots that gets the right source from God. This is what i've seen when i prayed for my connect group, this is what i want to have, what i can see in my head when i dreamt smiling at night. lol. sound kind of silly right? but to me its not.

The kind of person that i admire, pays great attention in details, able to do the right things at the right time, EQ that is above the rest, able to open ppl's heart and good persuading ppl to make right decisions (non forcing) and challenge others in thinking. Most of all, a person that is BIG on the inside. :)





at 11:01 PM

One of the Weaknesses of H

i really dont understand how my mind works sometimes.. lol really think that my 23 yrs of living some kind of hoax. lol. cant really make solid decisions that suits different kinds of ppl around me. the worse senario u can find me is that i had made some kind of promise to someone and find that i am not happy keeping the word. after some serious considerations for myself. its a tough tough nut to crack, esp when u can find no one to hear u out becos of the sensitivity of the issue, not everyone u can confide to the issues which u r troubled. hehe. anyway am i making things complicated for u guys to understand? lol.. this is only 30% of what is gg around my head. -.-
sometimes i really hate to make decisions that i may regret, becos my reputation is at stake, my accountability and trust is at stake. i hate it when ppl lose the good impression of me, but yet again, its not that i want to please everyone, but whatever i do i should keep my word. i think i seriously need to think about making decisions in life. i have made one major decision in my life right: that is to make Jesus my one and only Saviour for this life. and i know i have suceeded 1/2 of my life by making this wonderful decision.

phewz... at least now i feel quite safe n secure after self talking myself out of this junk of Xue te. ehehee.... good night! the bed is summoning me for communion! :)


at 12:25 PM

Great Job Miss M! yet again~

Thank you for still covering me when u know my shortcomings, i realised i shouldnt be holding to unnecessary stuff that smoked my heart! i realised that each one of us is not perfect and ought to learn many of our communication styles to love one another even more in all areas of our life, taking notice in each of our way of loving and expressing really aid a great deal in handiplasting the hurts we receive from the world n each others. if there are short comings on ur side, i am willing to be ur extended hand. how can a foot say i dun need a hand, or how can toe nails say i dun need pedicure n crystal studs?? its totally wrong right.. yep i guess so, becos it sounds right. :P

haha like what pastor Paul preached ytd, its so much easier to love God then to love the church, becos God is perfect, and the church is made up of alot of imperfect ppl. sometimes i think the church is getting too toooooo squeezy... thats why we kept stepping on each other's toes right? i guess so :x learning the life's Greatest lessons in church is as true as what Dextre said, we learnt how to love God and His commandments. its a package. :D when u love God, u will love what God love, His ppl, the world, Human souls, seeing the world through His beautiful eyes makes my colleagues, waiter/ waitress and some fellow christians less hateful and more lovely!!! hahaha... alright, anyway, life is still a long long journey ahead, im glad i've learnt how to love myself and the rest at this age, Kan Kai Yi Dian..... -.- Life is beautiful!

Gosh i really love this song! when can i learn how to play guitar like eric clapton!?? someday i must play for my other half! lol sounds distant. -.-


at 11:45 AM

Love Trust and Patience

Being a christian for almost 8 years and living my life not my own, i told God on a certain night, i wanna be someone who will be self sacrificing, giving and not always taking, learning to put others before me. its not an easy time but nevertheless brought me joy and happiness i had nv experience before, a love n joy others accredited to me.

Maybe its been sometime since i update on my goal towards God as a christian wise, its part of my personal SMART Goal i want for myself again, being able to put myself into others shoe before assuming their real reason behind. i hate to admit, but i tend to use coloured lens to see others when i tot i knew that person. where is the trust i have for friends of mine? where is the love n covering? we as humans tend to lost our cool and patience more easier with close friends of ours, not knowing that shortchanging them with lesser love is depriving the relationship of growth and oneness as we do things or spend time together. i think i lost it while i am not aware, there is a moment of reproach in my heart... a long moment.. becos i find myself so self centred n disappointed in myself for losing the patience... Most of the time God proved me wrong about that person, i had wrong feelings with. Dunno when will this stubborn self learn to accept God's thinking except her own. -.- but nevertheless Jeremy Choy says that self awareness is essential before looking for another half to come into ur life. deal with urself first, then will u have the capactiy to put others in ur life. :)

Well recently fall in love again with this song "more than words", one of my buddies from sec sch is getting married this yr, makes the whole mood of lovey dovey feeling filled my heart!! hope u guys can enjoy the song while reading my blog! :D Eric Clapton Rockz!!


at 10:49 PM

Farewell



Alot of ppl say that sorry is the hardest word to say, love is the most heart pounding word to say, hate is the most painful word to say, but to me farewell may be the last word i want to say to a friend, a mentor.



it was the last day she worked in the hospital, same hospital as me, i may be caught busy with my patients or doctors and act like a dont really mind, but deep down, it was the time which ticked by, make me wanna just hold back the clock, the times we shared together, the laughter and serious words she spoke to me, i cannot forget till now. i believe that i learnt the most things through rebuke and real discipline from my mentor. oh have i told u guys that she is a christian too? and she is happily married with her husband in the same church. She serves the church as a helper to her husband's home cell, she prays for hours on the phone with her fellow christian sisters, and have a positive and godly mindset in life, she is a winner of many awards like "service fromt he heart" etc, although she is slightly grumpy sometimes, she is loved by many patients and colleagues and supervisors which praises her of the things she do, this is the favour of God, favour of men. This is who i wanna become, a real life model which happens before me, i am amazed. she nv failed to cross my path when we met, protecting me and carry me through the harsh words and opinions of others, i nv want to have her absence in my life i tot then. but now that she has a future brighter to run towards, a dream that she had always hold on to, i should not be sad and should be happy for her,



The greatest thing in life is people God placed around you, is people who scold u, love u, teach u, guide u, protect u, and cover u along life, they play a part in what u will become in life, they teach u what it is like to live for what u protect in life, the precious things in life. i nv once know about my weaknesses and shortcomings so much that i wanted to exterminate them all, i told myself that if i really respect and love them, i must overcome it so that i dont be a burden to them all. i want them to be happy, in order for me to be happy. its irony, but its very true.



The world is not my friend, i can really confirm it, it brings ppl apart, though it is for a better purpose n future, another separation is here too, with my mosr precious friend whom i shared large part of my life with, she is leaving to another cellgroup to fulfil her calling in God, i cant blame her, becos God do judge ppl who dont act according to callings in Him. :) but still it hurts in my heart, having to part with her and a few other members, she was the one who brought changes in my life, picked me up when i fell, cleaned my dirt when others wouldnt, talk to me and press into my life when i tot nobody care, giving me so much that my heart cant contain, i know this friendship is from God, it is for eternity, it is for good, and it will prosper even more in the years to come, the part inside came literally down on the day 6th march, when everything just dont feel right, when everyone is leaving, i cant bring myself to smile... for a moment.



it is a great privilege to know Florence, and Liling, they left a huge and deep footprint in my life, i think throughout this life, i may not be able to forget them.